


He Didn't Mean to Fall for Remus Lupin

by Lunar_avocados



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentioned James Potter, Remus Lupin is a Good Friend, Suicidal Thoughts, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25327279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunar_avocados/pseuds/Lunar_avocados
Summary: Sirius has feelings for Remus that go beyond friendship but hates himself for it. Tw/mentions of child abuse and suicidal thoughts.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	He Didn't Mean to Fall for Remus Lupin

Sirius needed to be somewhere else, away from the letters his mum wrote him hidden under his mattress, away from James’ worried eyes because of course James would notice how awful he felt and especially away from Remus who Sirius couldn't stop thinking about in what his mother would say was an “unnatural way”. So that's why he found himself sneaking off to the astronomy tower under the invisibility cloak after the other marauders had gone to bed. The walk there was rushed because Sirius craved the cold bite of the night air against his cheeks.  
After climbing the final stairs he could see the night sky clearly and sat down with his feet dangling over the side, folding his arms on the railing in front of him.

The deserted tower had the quiet he so craved to figure out what to do to get rid of those pesky “homosexual tendencies”, that’s what his mother said about the man that lived three doors down from number twelve Grimmauld Place. Sirius had always found the man to be quite nice, but he would never tell his mother that. He had known since he was twelve that he definitely did not think about women and men the way he was supposed to,the way everyone else seemed to. Even knowing that for years now, nothing could have prepared him for the moment at the end of fifth year that he realized his feelings for Remus extended far beyond the way a friend was supposed to feel. 

Ever since then he’s been trying to combat how much he seems to want to gravitate toward Remus by forcing himself to keep his distance from the boy as often as possible. This however took away all the good things that used to distract him from the countdown in his head that he couldn't seem to forget about, always reminding him of the number of days until he was forced to return to Grimmauld. 

James was his brother but it was Remus that Sirius confided in the most. On days when Remus watched a very pristine owl drop off a letter to Sirius Remus waited until their fellow marauders were asleep before sliding past Sirius’ curtains and into his bed. Most days like that ended up with Remus comforting Sirius in any way he could. Those days were almost never lately as Sirius had tried to avoid Remus any time he could. He knew that if it kept happening he would get greedy and want Remus's arms around him all the time and Sirius knew that idea was absolutely ridiculous. 

He hated the avoiding and the hiding, he hated how numb he felt these days, but most of all he hated that this might be hurting Remus. If good ol Walburga found out he had feelings for a boy, a half blood werewolf no doubt she would curse Sirius into next year, probably hit him too. He wished Remus were here to remind him that he would be able to escape all of that soon, but he wasn't, and that was Sirius’s fault too. 

It was that thought that finally made tears escape his eyes, wouldn't it all be better if just let himself go, fall off the astronomy tower right here and now. That way he wouldn't lose anyone he loved, wouldn't tear his friends apart and wouldn't be the heir Walburga was constantly disappointed in. The thought of how much trouble he caused the people around him turned his tears into full sobs. That's when he felt a familiar hand on his back, as Sirius turned around he was enveloped in the warmth he craved so much. 

“I've got you” whispered Remus.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


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